Saturday, October 28, 2017


I haven't been keeping up with this blog, partly because I haven't had anything to say about movies that couldn't be said in capsule form on Letterboxd, partly because I don't think anyone actually reads it except maybe my sister (hi, Andrea!), and partly because I recently joined a cult, so that takes up a lot of my time. But I think it's time to expand the scope of this blog to areas outside the film world, because I certainly have things to say on a host of non-movie subjects.

Oh, yeah, I joined a cult. Except not really. Except maybe. Except ... I don't know. What I did was join something called The Lust Experience, which is ... difficult to explain. You may have heard of its predecessor, The Tension Experience. Neil Patrick Harris did it, and discussed it on talk shows. It was the brain child of Darren Lynn Bousman, director of the three best Saw movies (II through IV) and some other stuff, and his partner Clint Sears, and was a sort of hybrid of immersive theater and alternate reality gaming. It was basically the closest thing we've had to a real-life version of that movie The Game. The Lust Experience is the sequel, and, after three months, I'm still not entirely sure what to make of it.

I suppose the origins of my involvement with The Lust Experience can be traced to two moments in my recent life that, had Lust not existed, would have had to create it. The first was my first time through Sleep No More. Sleep No More, for those who don't know, is the granddaddy of immersive theater, a three-hour experience that sprawls across five floors of an old Manhattan warehouse as actors perform a silent hybrid of Macbeth and Rebecca while masked audience members either follow them around or explore the massive set on their own. I was enthralled almost immediately by this eerie world that seems to merge Hitchcock with Lynch, and now make it a regular part of my annual trip to New York. During that first visit, two years ago, I had an intimate, one-on-one encounter with an actor that was, without exaggeration, the most erotic experience of my entire life, despite the fact that there was no nudity or sexual content of any kind (except in the sense that, I guess, everything is sexual). It shook me to my core, and sent a kind of electricity through my body that lasted for days.

Naturally, I was hooked. When I got home from my trip, I immediately Googled immersive theater in L.A. The only thing I found was something called The Alone Experience, which sounded interesting, so I immediately signed up to their e-mail list and promptly forgot about it until a year later, when I received a notification concerning their next show. During that year, it somehow never occurred to me to keep digging and find other immersive shows in L.A. I just assumed that L.A. didn't have much of an immersive scene. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The other incident on my road to Lust occurred sometime last year, though the circumstances surrounding it are hazy in my memory. I just remember walking down a street, somewhere around Hollywood, I think, and thinking how awesome it would be if a black car pulled up and I received a phone call telling me to get inside it. I'm not sure why I had this thought, but something about the setting I was in seemed to call for it, to demand it, even, and knowing it wasn't going to happen made me feel genuinely bummed.

Cut to sometime last spring, when, through an Internet rabbit hole the strata of which have already fled my memory, I learned about The Tension Experience, which involved, among many other things, participants receiving mysterious phone calls telling them to get into black cars. Unfortunately, it had already ended by that time. Fortunately, its sequel, The Lust Experience, was just starting up. Hold on, I thought. There's an experience in Los Angeles that potentially involves climbing into black vehicles at the behest of mysterious telephone voices, and is called "Lust" and might therefore also involve some erotic encounters with actors? Why the hell haven't I heard about this before?! I signed up immediately, only to run across a banner on their web page that said "Registration closed." Well, fuck. Foolishly, I took this to mean that it was too late for me to take part, and despondently tried to forget about this missed opportunity.

Until two months later, when I received an e-mail from The Lust Experience, alerting me to an upcoming event known as The System. I bought a ticket, without really knowing what I was getting into. Further investigation revealed that the "registration" had been for a specific event within The Lust Experience, and my missing out on it in no way denied me participation in the overall experience (and I believe they re-opened registration after I was turned away, so I probably could have signed up for that event, after all). That was three months ago, and since then TLE has led me on a bizarre journey involving cults, mind control, a self-help guru, a (possible) serial killer, a demon-god named Anoch, an Illuminati-esque cabal, a band of resistance fighters, a woman being beaten to death by a bat only to show up alive weeks later, characters showing up at people's houses, participants acting strangely and becoming characters themselves, and a total mind-fuck of a blur between fiction and reality. It's gotten to the point where I don't even know how to talk about The Lust Experience, because there are so many levels to it that it's hard to know what's "in game" and what's "out of game," or even if "out of game" exists.

And it's awesome, though my role in it so far has been marginal. I haven't had any direct encounters with any characters, except one, and that only came about because of a series of mistakes I made. A few weeks ago, a strange phone call went out to all participants simultaneously. The call was from an AI known as MyChild, a creation of the resistance movement that had infiltrated the OSDM (the aforementioned cabal), and the purpose of this call was to inform us that MyChild had done the job it had been programmed to do, namely to corrupt all of the OSDM's data. The strangest thing about this call, however, was that, unlike virtually all other Lust Experience phone calls, it did not come from a blocked phone number. Naturally, everyone called this number back, but received only a voice mail message from MyChild's creator, Stacey, claiming that this number is not important.

About a week later, a participant named Julie called the MyChild phone number again to hear the voice mail message. After she hung up, she immediately received a call from that same number, and thought for sure it was from Mason, the serial killer I mentioned earlier. When she reported her experience in the Lust chat room, I called the phone number, as well. This time, the call didn't even go to voice mail.

Someone picked up.

I was not expecting this at all, and was understandably flustered and a bit scared, but I stayed on the line to see what happened. Whoever answered the phone didn't say anything at first; all I heard were some vague shuffling sounds. I said "Hello" a couple of times before I got a response: "Hello." Creepy male voice. I wasn't sure who it was, but, because Julie had put Mason in my head, my assumptions naturally lead me there. I asked if I was speaking to Mason. No answer. I asked again, and, when he didn't answer, I said "Hello" again. He said "Yes." In retrospect that was likely a response to my "hello," but in my eagerness I took it as an affirmation that it was indeed Mason.

"Your questions bore me," was the next thing he said. Oooo-kay. I had no idea what to do or say, hadn't come prepared, didn't really have anything to say but wasn't ready to just hang up. So I believe what I said was: "So, what's up?" He hung up. Rightfully so. I actually judge him a little for not hanging up sooner.

He then immediately called back and said, in the ominous tones of a natural born super-villain, "Maybe you should stop calling this number."

"Good to know," I said, dumbly.

"You have no idea." Click. Whoa.

So I reported this experience in the Lust chat room, identifying the caller as Mason. After I did this, I got another phone call, this time from a blocked number. And this time it most definitely was Mason, who was annoyed that I had incorrectly attributed the call to him. Of course, it took him two calls to do this, because I'm dumb and didn't get the hint the first time. I felt strangely awful, like I had inconvenienced the entire Experience through my dumbness and my calling phone numbers I shouldn't be calling.

But this is the kind of thing that's going on all the time. Mason in particular likes calling people, and took a particular liking to a participant in Minnesota, calling her every night for two straight weeks and even showing up at her house. In Minnesota! The ambition of this ostensibly L.A.-based experience seemingly knows no bounds. It's all leading up to a ticketed event in December called Anointment (though even that has been labeled as the "Mid-Season Event," so clearly we have a lot more Lust Experience still to come), which promises a night of "decadence, desire, and debauchery." I bought my ticket, of course, and I honestly don't think I've ever been more excited about anything. Or more terrified.

I mean, the sexy time (if that's what this event is even about, though I'm doubtful) is cool, but the real draw of The Lust Experience is, for me, the chance to insert myself into a fictional(?) world. Fiction is very important to me -- I think there's more truth in fiction than in non-fiction, because it's fiction where common ideas and experiences are best expressed and shared, whereas non-fiction is unreliable and/or comes with an agenda -- and the chance to be a character in a story, as myself, is something I've wanted since I was a kid. As I once wrote in my old LiveJournal, the greatest disservice my mother ever did me was having a son rather than writing a novel about one. Now's my chance.

And, oh yeah, if you're wondering about The Alone Experience, I did go to one of their shows, but didn't get much from it besides being woken up in the middle of the night by a feeling of intense panic and anxiety. I've also been to several other immersive shows in L.A., which, it turns out, has an incredibly rich and diverse immersive theater scene that until recently I had been woefully ignorant of. But I'm making up for lost time.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Best Films of 2014 -- A Critical Consensus

Since Movie City News didn't appear to be doing its annual tally of professional movie critics' top 10 lists, I decided to do it myself. Of course, then it turned out they did do it -- they just didn't post it on their home page for some strange reason. But whatever, mine is more complete, using every list from both MCN and Metacritics. I used MCN's tallying method: 10 points for every #1 film, 9 points for every #2 film, etc. For alphabetical lists, I gave each movie 5.5 points (the average of 1 to 10). Only ten films were allowed for each list -- in the event of "ties" (a lot of critics do this, which I've never understood), I gave the two tied films equal points and then continued doling out the points the same as if there hadn't been a tie. So, for example, if two movies were tied for the #2 spot on a list, I'd give them both nine points and then give the #3 film seven points, and so on down the line, giving zero points to the #10 film.

The big winner here was no surprise, but what was surprising was just how many damn points that damn Linklater film got (1,370.5, compared to the 855.5 points earned by the second place winner). The most interesting race was for the bronze medal, for which Birdman and Under the Skin were neck and neck the entire time, until finally it was an exact tie, before Birdman shot ahead with a 10-point bomb dropped by the very last list I tallied.

All in all, 270 films were mentioned. So, basically, every movie from last year made some critic's list... but not The Best Offer. WTF, critics?

1.   Boyhood – 1,370.5
2.   The Grand Budapest Hotel – 855.5
3.   Birdman – 634
4.   Under the Skin – 624
5.   Whiplash – 542
6.   Selma – 422
7.   Ida – 403.5
8.   Inherent Vice – 367
9.   Gone Girl – 359.5
10. Nightcrawler – 322
11. Only Lovers Left Alive – 291
12. Goodbye to Language – 256
13. Two Days, One Night – 255
14. Mr. Turner – 232
15. Force Majeure – 222
16. Snowpiercer – 213
17. Citizenfour – 211
18. The Immigrant – 208.5
19. Foxcatcher – 201.5
20. The Lego Movie – 201
21. Guardians of the Galaxy – 184
22. Winter Sleep – 147
23. Leviathan – 145.5
24. Calvary – 140.5
25. The Babadook – 139
26. Interstellar – 135.5
27. Love Is Strange – 132
29. We Are the Best! – 130.5
30. The Theory of Everything – 125.5
31. The Imitation Game – 116
32. Life Itself – 104.5
      Listen Up Philip – 104.5
34. Locke – 103.5
35. American Sniper – 90.5
36. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes – 88.5
37. Stranger by the Lake – 88
39. A Most Violent Year – 87.5
40. Wild – 83
41. Edge of Tomorrow – 80
42. Blue Ruin – 66
43. Mommy – 61
44. Stray Dogs – 56
45. Manakamana – 55.5
46. Norte, the End of History – 48.5
47. Captain America: The Winter Soldier – 47
48. Maps to the Stars – 45.5
      The Overnighters – 45.5
50. Dear White People – 45

The Raid 2 – 43.5
The Homesman – 43
Jodorowsky’s Dune – 43
The Tale of the Princess Kaguya – 40
The Dance of Reality – 39.5
Nymphomaniac – 39
The Strange Little Cat – 39
Obvious Child – 38
12 Years a Slave – 36.5
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night – 35.5
Starred Up – 35
Get on Up – 33
God Help the Girl – 33
A Most Wanted Man – 32
Wild Tales – 32
The Wind Rises – 31
Jealousy – 30
The Last of the Unjust – 30
L’il Quinquin – 30
National Gallery – 29.5
Night Moves – 27.5
Beyond the Lights – 26
The Missing Picture – 25.5
Actress – 25
Frank – 24.5
Belle – 23.5
Joe – 23
Unbroken – 22
What Now? Remind Me – 22
The Wolf of Wall Street – 22
Inside Llewyn Davis – 21
Level Five – 21
Chef – 20.5
Lucy – 20.5
The Double – 19
A Spell to Ward Off the Darkness – 19
Tales of the Grim Sleeper – 19
Closed Curtain – 18.5
The Lunchbox – 18.5
The Drop – 18
Enemy – 18
Horse Money – 18
It Felt Like Love – 18
Land Ho ! – 18
The Tribe – 18
Vic + Flo Saw a Bear – 18
The Guest – 17
Last Days in Vietnam – 17
Muppets Most Wanted – 17
The Rover – 17
Top Five – 17
The Congress – 16.5
Fury – 16.5
Godzilla – 16.5
Still Alice – 16.5
John Wick – 16
Abuse of Weakness – 15
Into the Woods – 15
Like Father, Like Son – 15
Story of My Death – 15
Cheap Thrills – 14
Journey to the West – 14
Violette – 14
Mood Indigo – 13.5
Stand Clear of the Closing Doors – 13.5
Venus in Fur – 13.5
Bird People – 13
Jauja – 13
Beloved Sisters – 12
Big Eyes – 12
The Fault in Our Stars – 12
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 – 12
Keep On Keepin’ On – 12
Le Week-End – 12
X-Men: Days of Future Past – 12
Maidan – 12
Cold in July – 11
Kids for Cash – 11
The One I Love – 11
Pride – 11
20,000 Days on Earth – 11
The Battered Bastards of Baseball – 10
Begin Again – 10
Buzzard – 10
Ellie Lumme – 10
Jimmy P. – 10
Northern Light – 10
Thou Wast Mild and Lovely – 10
Amour Fou – 9
Breathe In – 9
Celestial Wives of the Meadow Mari – 9
Coherence – 9
Life of Riley – 9
Manuscripts Don’t Burn – 9
Rambleras – 9
Red Army – 9
The Retrieval – 9
The Salt of the Earth – 9
The Strange Color of Your Body’s Tears – 9
Gloria – 8
Hard to Be a God – 8
How to Train Your Dragon 2 – 8
Lesson of the Evil – 8
Memphis – 8
Miss Julie – 8
Noah – 8
See You Next Tuesday – 8
The Skeleton Twins – 8
St. Vincent – 8
Timbuktu – 8
Alan Partridge – 7
Bethlehem – 7
Big Hero 6 – 7
The Blue Room – 7
The Boxtrolls – 7
Das Spektrum Europas – 7
Dreams Are Colder Than Death – 7
Finding Vivian Maier – 7
Her – 7
My Little Pony: Equestria Girls – 7
Phoenix – 7
The Selfish Giant – 7
Song of the Sea – 7
Third Person – 7
The Two Faces of January – 7
The Unknown Known – 7
Why Don’t You Play in Hell? – 7
Exhibition – 6.5
Omar – 6.5
The Duke of Burgundy – 6
A Field in England – 6
Farbe – 6
Heli – 6
Hill of Freedom – 6
My Name Is Salt – 6
Saint Laurent – 6
Thursday Til Sunday – 6
The Case Against 8 – 5.5
The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Them – 5.5
Final Cut: Ladies and Gentlemen – 5.5
Happy Christmas – 5.5
Laggies – 5.5
Gett – 5
Guilty of Romance – 5
The Kindergarten Teacher – 5
Mistaken for Strangers – 5
Out in the Night – 5
Over the Garden Wall – 5
Pulp: A Film About Life, Death & Supermarkets – 5
Revenge of the Mekons – 5
Rich Hill – 5
22 Jump Street – 5
The Way He Looks – 5
While We’re Young – 5
Neighbors – 4.5
Nothing Bad Can Happen – 4.5
Antarctica – 4
Breakfast with Curtis – 4
Diplomacy – 4
The Great Invisible – 4
Happy Valley – 4
Jersey Boys – 4
Low Down – 4
Policeman – 4
Pompeii – 4
They Came Together – 4
What If... – 4
Bjork Biophilia Live – 3
Child’s Pose – 3
The David Whiting Story or the Cesar Romero Joke – 3
Don’t Go Breaking My Heart 2 – 3
Hateship Loveship – 3
Ilo Ilo – 3
The Kill Team – 3
Patema Inverted – 3
The Princess of France – 3
Proxy – 3
Queen & Country – 3
She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry – 3
The Trip to Italy – 3
What We Do in the Shadows – 3
White God – 3
Words and Pictures – 3
Zero Motivation – 3
Above and Below the Minhocao – 2
The Amazing Catfish – 2
Clouds of Sils Maria – 2
Everyday – 2
The Galapagos Affair – 2
The Interview – 2
Last Weekend – 2
Le Paradis – 2
Thy Womb – 2
War of Lies – 2
August Winds – 1
Bad Hair – 1
The Better Angels – 1
Big Men – 1
The Book of Life – 1
Butter on the Latch – 1
Class Enemy – 1
Draft Day – 1
Ernest and Celestine – 1
Fading Gigolo – 1
The Gambler – 1
Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me – 1
Heaven Knows What – 1
Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons – 1
The Kidnapping of Michel Houellebecq – 1
The Last Sentence – 1
Magic in the Moonlight – 1
Our Sunhi – 1
Paddington – 1
Particle Fever – 1
Rob the Mob – 1
The Secret Trial 5 – 1
Stop the Pounding Heart – 1
A Summer’s Tale – 1
Tip Top – 1
Transformers: Age of Extinction – 1
Welcome to New York – 1
Witching and Bitching – 1

Of course, results are sullied a bit by the inability of some critics to agree on the definition of a 2014 movie. Most of them limited it to films that were released theatrically during the year, but some included festival films that won't play in theaters until 2015, if ever. And then there are the British folks who included some 2013 films (like 12 Years a Slave and The Wolf of Wall Street), presumably because they didn't play in the UK until 2014. *Sigh* Why do I bother?

Sunday, May 11, 2014

How Hollywood Has Failed Broadway, and How to Fix That

Quick, name the last great movie adapted from a Broadway musical (if you said Les Miserables, there's really no reason for us to continue our relationship).  I don't mean a good, faithful adaptation, I mean a genuinely great piece of filmmaking, one that stands on its own as an exemplary work of art.  You'd pretty much have to go all the way back to Cabaret (made in 1972, before I was born) to find one that's still generally held in high regard, and that one just barely qualifies as an adaptation, having essentially gutted and stripped the Broadway show for spare parts.

Honestly, I can't think of a single one.  And the reason for this is that no one has ever made one.  I would know it if they had.  Oh, sure, there have been some very good ones, mostly in the '60s and early '70s-- The Sound of Music, Oliver!, My Fair Lady, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, Sweet Charity, Fiddler on the Roof, the aforementioned Cabaret; some might add West Side Story, but I've never been a particular fan (although I don't think I've seen it since junior high, so just ignore me on this one).  But are any of these really masterpieces?

You may think so, and that's fine, because it doesn't change my principal point, which is that all of the really good Broadway adaptations were made more than 40 years ago.  And even those pale in comparison to original movie musicals like Singin' in the Rain.

The reason for this seems pretty clear: musicals, for whatever reason, don't attract the top directing talents.  When a top-notch director does deign to dabble in the genre, it's always with an original work: Martin Scorsese with New York, New York, or Lars von Trier with Dancer in the Dark.  But a Scorsese or a von Trier doesn't do Broadway (exception: Spike Lee with Passing Strange, but since that was just a filmed performance of the stage show, it hardly counts), leaving the job to Hollywood hacks like Rob Marshall, Adam Shankman, Joel Schumacher, or Chris Columbus (or, worse, theater directors who don't really know what they're doing behind a camera, like Phyllida Lloyd; technically Marshall is a theater director, as well, but he's at least competent as a filmmaker).  And that's how we end up with, for instance, a cinematic take on Rent that omits "Christmas Bells" (the big show-stopping number) out of sheer laziness, and has Mark, Angel, and Collins walk around the corner during "Another Day" and start singing along with Mimi even though they have no idea who she is or what's going on (seriously, the movie's terrible; just watch the stage show, it's freaking amazing).

But I ask you: why don't great filmmakers tackle Broadway musicals?  Why must the genre be shunned and ghettoized and tossed to mediocrities?  Are we never to discover what a master auteur could do with our favorite shows?  Are we to forever see them being butchered by talentless rent-a-directors?

The following list of pairings of musicals and directors is pure fantasy on my part, but indulge me.  Because, to me, there is literally nothing in the world that's better than a great musical number, and frankly I'm tired of great musical numbers happening everywhere but in film, my favorite medium.  I think these guys could change that:

Les Miserables, directed by Steven Spielberg
Really, who would have been a more perfect choice to direct this most hallowed of musicals?  His penchant for idealized pathos was practically made for this tear jerker, and his romantic style would have injected the sense of grandeur and gravitas that this particular musical requires.  Instead, we got Wolverine and Catwoman doing karaoke.  But hey, he could always remake it, couldn't he?  Nobody ever remakes musicals, but why the hell not?

Rent, directed by Wong Kar-Wai
This is even more of a long shot, but just think what Wong could do with something like Rent.  He's got that perfect blend of operatic sensibility and rock 'n roll energy that is precisely what this musical is all about, and he's also got the artistic talent to translate the more abstract elements of the show to the screen (which Columbus didn't even attempt).

In the Heights, directed by Spike Lee
This one's a no-brainer, since Lee has basically already made this movie twice before.  New York City, "the summer's hottest day"... sound familiar?  This story of a hot summer day in a Manhattan barrio would make the perfect completion to the trilogy begun by Do the Right Thing (hot summer day in an African-American Brooklyn neighborhood) and Summer of Sam (hot summer in an Italian Bronx neighborhood).  Nobody gets that New York urban vibe like Spike.  Just don't let Michel Gondry get his hands on it, because this is exactly the sort of thing that would attract him, and which he would inevitably screw up.

Avenue Q, directed by Spike Jonze
Avenue Q, for those who haven't seen it, is brilliant.  I'm not kidding when I say it's one of the most important works of art of the 21st century.  I'm not even sure a screen version would work.  But if anyone should be allowed to attempt it, it's Jonze.  The tone of his films -- a kind of comic absurdity grounded in realism -- is perfect for this send-up of Sesame Street, and at the same time his delicate directorial style is subtle enough to avoid interfering with the very particular look that such a parody requires.

Chess, directed by Martin Scorsese
Chess is not a great musical, but it could be.  The original concept album is a masterpiece of '80s synth pop and Rodgers and Hammerstein fusion, and if they had just stuck with that template for the stage version, it would have been the greatest musical ever made.  Unfortunately, they added a host of mediocre songs, turning it into a messy, lopsided rock opera that constantly attempts to over-explain its complicated plot with absurdly moronic lyrics.  When it moved to Broadway, they tried to "fix" the problem by removing the extraneous material and turning it into a simpler, more traditional book musical -- a worthy endeavor, except for the fact that they drastically changed the plot and somehow made it even worse.  Only a return to its concept album roots could save this musical, and Scorsese would bring the artistry and majesty it deserves -- just thinking about the climactic, astonishing "Endgame" filmed with Scorsese's gorgeous camera swoops brings tears to my eyes.

Jesus Christ Superstar, directed by Lars von Trier
This has already been made into a movie, by Norman Jewison, and it's actually pretty good; but it's also very dated, very '70s, and it could definitely use an update.  Von Trier's mastery of complex emotions and his fearlessness in exploring the darker sides of mankind are just what this rock opera needs.  It would make a fitting companion to Antichrist, anyway.

American Idiot, directed by Terry Gilliam
I realize rock musicals are taking up an inordinate amount of space here, but, hey, that's what I like.  I think it's the most underrepresented of all art forms, and so on the rare occasion when a good one comes along, we need to cherish and celebrate it as much as possible.  This musical is actually already in development, with Michael Mayer, director of the stage version, at the helm.  But I'm not sure I trust a film newcomer, and anyway, the idea of Terry Gilliam making it is too insane not to fantasize about.

Of course, my real response to the question of who should make these movies is: me.  These are my seven favorite musicals of all time, and, well, you know what they say about wanting something done right.  Just putting that out there, Hollywood producers.

Friday, January 4, 2013

10 Best Movies of 2012

I'm not even going to bother lamenting about how this was the worst year for movies in recent memory (even though it was), because, frankly, I'm tired of being that guy.  The thing is, I want to be one of those people who claims this to be an incredibly wonderfully great year for movies (which they do every year).  And I am so freaking jealous of them.  I'm jealous that they can watch a movie like Zero Dark Thirty or Lincoln and say, "Yes, this is a great work of art."  It's not that I necessarily think their standards are lower than mine (even though they probably are), it's that we're clearly looking for different things, and the things I'm looking for are elusive and rare.  I saw exactly two great movies last year, plus a possible third which, judging by the great wave of appreciation that crashes against my heart and brain every time I think of it, I may have underrated.  There were also some other movies I liked a lot.  Here they are:

10. Cloud Atlas
Tom Tykwer and the Wachowski siblings' (sounds like a polka band) ambitious epic, based on David Mitchell's brilliant genre-bending novel (which I highly recommend), is so insane and yet so earnest that I fell a little bit in love with it, warts and all.  With its devil-may-care treatment of race, gender and sexuality, it's almost like something John Waters would make if given a studio-sized budget.

9. Miss Bala
Gerardo Naranjo's rigidly self-controlled Mexican crime drama came out way back in January, and has mostly been forgotten since then (it's appeared on only two "top 10" lists made by professional critics).  It's a remarkably assured work from a director with whom I was completely unfamiliar (this is his fourth feature).  The title is a play on words -- the plot revolves around the Miss Baja beauty pageant, and "bala" is the Spanish word for "bullet" -- but the film is much more austere than that implies, doggedly following its heroine as she desperately strives to take control of a life that, through an unfortunate twist of fate, has become not her own.

8. Argo
This is the year's best CIA-in-the-Middle-East movie, a film set in 1980 that could just as easily be a film from 1980.  Unlike those of that other CIA movie, its pleasures are contextually autonomous; you don't need to have ever heard of Iran or the hostage situation to understand or enjoy it.  It's also the most breathtaking nail-biter to come along in some time, with a plot that would have been screaming to be dramatized immediately after the real-life events occurred, had they not been classified.

7. Beasts of the Southern Wild
One of the year's most impressive debuts (both director-wise and actor-wise), Beasts of the Southern Wild is an almost otherworldly achievement.  It's pragmatic yet fantastic, morbid yet adorable, frequently unpleasant yet absolutely joyous.  Six-year-old newcomer Quvenzhane Wallis carries the film as if she's been acting for thirty years.

6. Jiro Dreams of Sushi
I love it when a documentary comes along that understands that non-fiction films don't have to sacrifice aesthetics.  This study of the world's most revered sushi chef is a zen-like meditation on both culinary art and old age, and what the latter means for the former (and what the former means, period).  And this is above its completely fascinating role as an exposition into the sushi-making process, which is much more complicated and interesting than you probably think.

5. The Snowtown Murders
The name change is unfortunate but necessary, I suppose.  In Australia (and at AFI Fest, where I saw it), it was simply called Snowtown, a convenient catch-phrase recognizable to Aussies but meaningless to Americans, who likely haven't heard about the grisly real-life murder spree that inspired the film.  As an abbreviated title, then, it's especially meaningless, seeing as how the film does not take place in Snowtown and the murders weren't actually committed there (but the media dubbed them "the Snowtown murders" because that's where the bodies were dumped and later found).  The actual film, too, is often meaningless and difficult to follow for anyone not already familiar with the case, and yet I found this to be bracingly challenging rather than vexing.  It's a quiet, eerily convincing examination of the seductive nature of evil, as personified by serial killer John Bunting, played here with a terrifying mix of menace and affability by Daniel Henshall (my pick for best actor of the year, if the Academy is paying attention).  Another stunning directorial debut, by Justin Kurzel.

4. Jeff, Who Lives at Home
Sometimes you just fall for a movie without really understanding why.  Such is the case for me with Jeff, Who Lives at Home, which has nothing innovative or visionary going for it, and yet it provided the happiest 83 minutes of my collective 2012 movie-going experience.  I think a lot of it has to do with the casual, offhand humor at which Ed Helms excels and which provides a perfect counterpoint to Jason Segel's patented dopiness (which usually irritates me, but which makes him positively cuddly here).  But mostly, it's the idiosyncratic script by the Duplass brothers that got me, with its series of absurd scenarios and its characters that are fully aware of their absurdity.  Hey, look at that, I guess I do understand why I fell for it.

3. Once Upon a Time in Anatolia
This is the one that I may have underrated slightly.  I was a huge fan of Nuri Bilge Ceylan's Distant, but was somewhat less enthused about his follow-up, Climates, and absolutely hated the next one, Three Monkeys, so I was relieved to find him returning to form with this, his most audacious and ambitious film yet.  It runs two and a half hours, more than ninety minutes of which consists of a group of policemen searching for a dead body in the Anatolian steppes in the middle of the night.  And it's riveting.  Not because anything happens, but because, perversely, nothing happens.  It's an existential police procedural that uses the mundanity of detective work as a synecdoche for the human experience, seeming to argue that a routine murder case maybe should be an oxymoron.

2. Moonrise Kingdom
This is the movie towards which Wes Anderson seems to have been building his entire career.   Every Andersonian device and quirk seems to have been invented in earlier films in order to be perfectly placed in this one.  It's wryly hilarious and deliriously romantic and impossibly adorable, filled with more delightful sight gags per square inch than any other recent film I can think of.  Wes Anderson antipathists are strongly advised to steer clear.

1. Samsara
It floors me that this film has gone almost completely ignored by critics, even as Koyaanisqatsi (a movie I find utterly tedious) is still discussed in reverential tones.  Is it simply a case of Too Much?  Originality versus perfection?  Because this film is astonishing; not just cinematographically (though it's so beautiful it makes it hard to breathe), but intellectually, as well.  It's a film about where we've been, where we are, and where we're going as a collective species. Ron Fricke is nothing short of heroic for filming it all, editing it together, and giving us this gift for what had to be absolutely zero profit, and I kind of think he deserves a medal.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

I signed up for Letterboxd, where I will be posting short capsule reviews of movies I watch.  At least until I get tired of it.  You can find it here:

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Objectively Great

Is there such a thing as an objectively great film?  I've been having this argument in one form or another for at least 20 years.  The prevailing school of thought seems to be that yes, there are objectively great films, and if you don't like these films, well, you're just plain wrong.

Which of course is ridiculous.  "Objectively great" is an oxymoron.  If something is objectively anything, it is so based on facts, free from bias or personal interpretation.  And personal interpretation is integral to any discussion of film.

So, why, then, do people make this claim? Someone once told me that certain films simply become objectively great, based on their place in cinema history and the general consensus.  Which, to me, sounds worryingly like opinion by syndicate, groupthink taken to ridiculous extremes.  I'm reminded of an anecdote I heard the other day, in which a screenwriter called up a Hollywood studio executive to find out what he thought of his script, and the response he got was: "Honestly, I don't know what I think, because I'm the only one here who has read it."

Even the meaning of the word "great" is subjective.  My ex-husband used to get annoyed when I described a movie as being very good but not great, because he didn't understand the difference between a great movie and a movie that has nothing particularly wrong with it (I eventually cured him of this condition).  But what is a "great" movie, really?  Everyone has their own standards for bestowing that most sacred adjective on a film.  Myself, I tend to think of a great film as being one that challenges me, either artistically, intellectually, or emotionally.  But really, the best answer is the same one used to define everything from art to pornography: I know it when I see it.

Many people confuse historical importance for artistic greatness, as though the one automatically assumes the other.  This has always seemed problematic to me, though.  Surely, greatness requires more than mere innovation.  Sure, The Birth of a Nation is noteworthy for, if you'll pardon the pun, birthing modern cinema in many ways, but is it really a great movie, this offensively racist, cartoonish Civil War melodrama?  Is The Jazz Singer a great movie for being the first with synchronized sound?  A movie is a lot more than merely the sum of its technical achievements, and being the first to do something certainly does not mean you were the best at doing it, or even particularly good at it.

The real reason people make this claim of "objective greatness," I suspect, is simply that they don't trust their own opinions.  And really, who can blame them?  There are so many factors to consider when forming an opinion of a movie -- directing, writing, acting, cinematography, editing, sound, makeup, costumes, set design, to say nothing of those that are entirely script-related: plot, dialogue, characterizations, are there any plot holes, does it all make sense? -- that it's a wonder we're even able to coalesce our thoughts after only one viewing.  It's much easier to trust the experts to determine cinematic greatness for us, to start from that fundamental viewpoint and work our way to an understanding of the film from there.

There comes a point, however, when you just have to stand on your own legs and declare, "No, actually, this movie really isn't all that great!"  But people are afraid to do that.  Nobody likes to stand alone, to be the dissenting voice in the crowd.  It's scary out there.  And because it's so scary, a kind of herd mentality overtakes us.  It's not that we necessarily alter our opinions to match those of the majority, but when our opinions do match the majority's, or at least come close enough to roughly align with them, it comes as such a relief to have them validated in such a way that we start thinking of them as objective truths.  Opinions seldom thrive in a vacuum.  Knowing others feel the same way we do makes us feel less alone, less strange, less... different.  It's why we watch movies to begin with.  And read books.  And listen to pop songs.  It's all to confirm that there are others out there who are Just Like Us.

So what happens when we don't agree with the majority?  Well, results vary from one person to the next.  For some, it's anger ("How can you all like this overrated piece of crap?!").  For others, it's fear ("What's so great about this movie?  I'd better watch it again because I must have missed something!").  For still others, it's concession ("I know this is a great movie, I just don't like it.").  We scour the Internet in search of smart people who agree with us just so we know we're not crazy.  We're all so afraid of our own opinions that it's become nearly impossible to have a rational, intelligent discussion anymore.

This is especially true in the nerd community.  Certain movies have to be great.  They just have to.  Nerds are extremely protective of their movies, and often go to extreme lengths to defend them.  The Dark Knight Rises (you knew this was coming) opens this weekend, after four years of collective salivating over casting news, leaked set pics, general gossip, any tidbit having anything to do with anything having any kind of connection to this movie.  Such levels of anticipation create a pressure cooker situation, one which requires only the barest hint of negativity to set it off.  When early reviews came in, and not all of them were positive, the fans exploded.  "How dare they dislike this movie, when clearly it's the best movie ever even though we haven't seen it yet?!"  Rotten Tomatoes actually had to shut down comments, it got so heated.  This goes beyond a mere unwillingness to accept differing opinions.  This is fanaticism in the truest sense, as blind and irrational as any extreme religious zeal.  But it's what we humans do, I suppose.

So if there are not objectively great movies, does this mean there are no objectively bad films?  That's harder to judge.  Certainly, there are films that one would be hard pressed to call "good"; it's why something like Mystery Science Theater 3000 could exist.  At least from a technical standpoint, there are certain standards that must be maintained; if a movie fails to reach any or all of them, then yes, a case could be made that it is objectively bad.  On the other hand, in my 30+ years of moviegoing, I've discovered few movies as purely entertaining as Plan 9 from Other Space, a film that clearly falls short of acceptable standards of quality in virtually every aspect of its creation.  So how can it be a bad movie if I enjoyed it so much?  This brings us back into that gray area governed largely by "I know it when I see it."

Of course, fans are just as quick to label a movie as "objectively bad" as they are to label something "objectively great."  There are the reasonable candidates, like the aforementioned Plan 9Manos: The Hands of Fate is another commonly cited one.  But then there are movies like The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Superman Returns, and X-Men: The Last Stand, movies that actually got good reviews from the majority of critics on Rotten Tomatoes (76% in the case of Superman Returns), and yet which are invariably used in fan discussions as synonyms for "bad movie."  Now, I bring up these four examples in particular (there are many others) because they're all movies that I personally love.  Not like, love.  And yet I can never talk about my love for these movies in public, because I'm already coming from a foundation of Wrong in the minds of most people who might take part or in some way encounter the discussion.

How did we get to this point, where opinions are so threatening that they need to be quarantined?  Is this really what we want in an intelligent society (which I realize is another oxymoron)?  I suppose humans have always had a fundamental need to make others agree with them -- it's why we have religion, wars, and Oprah -- but at its core, it's always been a matter of fear and insecurity.  Applying that paradigm to something as trivial as moving pictures (and I'm speaking as an ardent film lover) is just doubly pathetic.  Movies aren't mathematical equations to be solved.  They're not scientific formulas.  They're collections of images, sounds, ideas, emotions, rhythms, perceptions.  Some affect you, some don't.  Some that don't affect you affect others, and vice versa.  Whether they affect others or not has nothing to do with you and the effects the movie has on you.  Acceptance of this truth is the first step to a genuine, uncompromising love of the cinema.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Deus ex Silva

Self-conscious horror movies have almost become an industry standard.  I suppose it started with the Scream franchise, which poked fun at the slasher genre while at the same time actually being a slasher movie.  Then came Eli Roth, whose movies are basically straight horror films, but then suddenly become comedies at the end, as if to point out the absurdity of the whole genre.  Last year saw the release of my personal favorite entry in this burgeoning sub-genre, Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil, and now comes the similarly themed The Cabin in the Woods, from the minds of Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard, of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame.

I can't possibly discuss this movie, or why I despised it so vehemently, without massive spoilers, so consider yourself forewarned.  But since my aim here is to forewarn you against seeing this movie, I think you should ignore the previous forewarning and just read this review anyway.  Trust me, I'm doing you a gigantic favor here.

I knew I would hate it more or less from the first scene.  Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins, two actors I normally like quite a bit, play a pair of office workers, in one of those office scenes meant to draw attention to the mundanity of the situation in order to comically juxtapose it with some sort of extraordinary twist.   It's such a commonplace set-up that I can generally spot them right off.  These scenes invariably start with one of the office workers complaining about some banal element of his personal life, usually involving his wife, so the writers can assure us that these guys are Just Like Us before pulling the rug out and revealing there's much more to them than meets the eye.  It's such a trite affectation that professional, experienced writers really should know better by now.

In this case, the "twist" is that these guys work for a vast organization that manipulates college students into vacationing at a remote cabin in the woods, which is essentially just an elaborate TV studio (think The Truman Show in the forest) where the kids are set up as sacrificial lambs for whatever horrors they unwittingly unleash.  In other words, they create real-life horror movies.  It's a meta-horror movie, in which the standard tropes of the genre are all explained away as the machinations of this mysterious corporation whose motives are only gradually revealed to us (I'll get to that in a minute).

So, for example, the creepy gas station attendant that the protagonists encounter at the beginning of just about every horror movie ever made is here revealed to be an actor.  And the creepy cabin has an even creepier basement that They Shouldn't Go Into, but of course they do, and they find it loaded with all sorts of props culled from the horror genre: an old diary containing a spell for raising the dead, a music box, a puzzle reminiscent of the one from Hellraiser, and so on.  The idea here is that the puppetmasters are allowing the kids to choose the means of their own demise.

This is all very "wink wink, nudge nudge," and it's not particularly clever.  It's bad parody because it originates from a flawed premise.  It implies that horror movie tropes need to be explained away to account for either their uniformity or their sheer stupidity, or both.  But... why?  What is it about Hellraiser, or Evil Dead, or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or any of the other innumerable films it references, that needs an explanation beyond what is provided?

Indeed, the explanation here makes far less sense than the movies they're parodying.  Are you ready for it?  These college kids are being sacrificed to some sort of evil, demonic god, who will destroy the world if he is not appeased.  And they can't simply be killed, they have to suffer first, hence the elaborate charade.  That's it.  That's the explanation.

It's the complete lack of creativity behind this explanation that really infuriates me.  This movie is, by its nature, setting itself up as being the superior of silly horror films, giving us a knowing wink while explaining why horror movies all seem to lack imagination.  But there's nothing imaginative here, either.  They've simply replaced one dumb premise with another dumb premise.  What is this movie saying, exactly?  How does its absurdly contrived, diabolus ex machina conceit relate to horror movie cliches?  It doesn't.  The writers simply needed something to tie everything together, so Giant Evil God it was.  Really guys?  Giant Evil God?  That's the best you could come up with?

All of this would be forgivable if the movie were actually well made, but it's not.  It has the same bad acting as the horror movies it mocks, and the same bad casting choices (why, for instance, cast the 30-year-old and impossibly good-looking Jesse Williams as the "brainy" college student?  I don't remember that ever being a horror movie cliche).  The lack of naturalistic acting and dialogue kills any sense of contrast between the real world and this artificial world in which the characters find  themselves trapped.  The same goes for the hackneyed camera work.  Indeed, the camera never seems to be positioned where it needs to be to heighten a scene's effectiveness.  Everything is telegraphed for us, so there are no surprises or even mild suspense.  This movie needed to rise above its subject matter, and the movies it spoofs, for it to work at all, and it not only failed to do this, it didn't even make an attempt.

And even this would be forgivable if the movie were funny.  Heck, I would have taken mildly amusing or droll.  But it's none of these things.  It's filled with the same groan-inducing one-liners that made Buffy and Firefly so insufferable to me (Whedon fans, feel free to ignore this review... there's no way you won't love this movie).  I'm a big comic book geek, but this movie is seriously making me question my desire to see The Avengers (especially since Whedon directed it as well as wrote it, and Serenity was... not my favorite sci-fi film).

In the end, this movie doesn't accomplish anything that Tucker and Dale and the Scream movies didn't already cover, and with more intelligence and wit.  Aside from, I suppose, the climactic "Who's Who?" monster melee, which I guess is satisfying in a geek-out sort of way.  But it also betrays the film's true purpose, placing it in the company of Freddy vs. Jason and Aliens vs. Predator.  It's a self-indulgent geek trip, and frankly I've had enough of self-indulgent geek trips.